6 Months of Living in New York City
Last week marks six months since moving to NYC, so I figured it’s a good time for a check-in here.
Living in New York had never really been a dream of mine; growing up in Jersey it was never the unobtainium that others had made it out to be. I was here regularly, so the sitcoms or social media hype of it never really enticed me.
Indeed, rather the opposite. I didn’t know if I’d like it at all. The hustle and bustle, competitiveness, “chew you up and spit you out” culture always felt intimidating. How did I end up here?
Deciding On New York City
I wanted a good software job in tech with long-term career potential, one where I could go into the office and enjoy a social life after work.
That criteria instantly removed most US cities off the list. B-tier cities just didn’t cut it—for me, it wasn’t worth packing bags to move to a place like Chicago where I had no friends, no network, and no particular interest.
I was left with Philadelphia, San Francisco, Austin, or New York. (Maybe not-so-coincidentally, I have a sibling living in each of these cities except Philly.)
Philly: I have a great friend network and went to school there, but my options were pretty much work for Comcast or commute out to the suburbs. Everything feels smaller there. Limiting and an undersell of what I want from life. Nah.
San Francisco: I’ve visited a handful of times and while the tech culture is exciting, I find the monotony exhausting. The hyper-competitive status culture feels like I’m back in high school again with kids trying to flex their GPAs or honors classes, but now it’s Y-Combinator raising-more-than-you, highly transactional relationships that end when the downtown bars close at 9pm. Maybe not for me.
Austin: I was seriously interviewing and even flew down to look at apartments. I did an onsite interview and actually had a job offer. I was offered $135k salary (only $5k more than my previous full-time), and they wanted me to commute about 25 minutes north of the city (just north of the Domain area if you speak Austin). Boo. The culture is great. I really love that city. But I couldn’t justify a cross-country move, leaving friends and family behind for a career in a North Austin office park and a $5k raise. It wasn’t exciting and wasn’t for me.
That left one option: New York City. Not as much of a willing choice, but the result of a process of elimination.
Don’t get me wrong, the prospect had lots of benefits: close to family, great career opportunities, a diverse non-tech-based social life, and something completely new. A challenge. Could I make it here?
Life In The City
So here we are. Six months in. And yeah, wow, this city absolutely fucking rocks.
Career: the job is great. We’re a company of about 20 people, about 10 locals rotating through office days filling about 5 desks on an average day. Everyone is so smart, it’s the first time in my life where I fully trust the work of the people to my left and right. We solve hard problems, I’m able to lean into my strengths as an engineer, I can speak my mind and be heard. And we drink beers together after work from time to time. Can’t ask for more.
Ancillary to that, the wider New York City startup scene is tight. We’re humbled by the other huge industries around us in the city, so egos are kept under control. (Side note: you quickly learn that having ego is black sheep activity in this city. Good luck keeping friends if you think you’re the coolest in the room.) Founders and junior engineers rub shoulders on the subways, keeping the culture very down to Earth.
Friends: this didn’t come that easy; my first few months I was so locked-in at work that making friends was not a priority. Only after a few months did I start branching out socially. I’ve been able to join a great friend group, through the connection of a high school buddy. He introduced me to his friends, and the rest took care of itself. They’re a great group of guys.
I believe making friends is about being present and saying yes to things, but with that, I’ve had to learn to say no to other things that used to occupy my time. It’s been a sacrifice and an investment. But an important one. Part of this change has been saying goodbye to old things and welcoming new ones. Social time allocation remains an ongoing dilemma.
The City: never quiet. Truly the city that never sleeps through the endless opportunities to go to bars, restaurants, shows, parks, dating, friends, tech events, etc. Music is everywhere, usually jazz. The dominant hobby is drinking with friends and finding new spots to drink with friends.
Most days I don’t get home from the office until 7 or 8pm, from walking 35 minutes home up 7th avenue, then on my way popping into a store, sitting in the park or meeting up with someone. Cooking is impossible. Walking is the new working out.
Truly, I find walking the streets surrounded by these tall buildings oddly comforting. Like a warm blanket on a cold, gloomy day. I have the same feeling on the subway during my morning commute. It’s a warm feeling, and I love being surrounded by people all the time. Comfort is found in different, new places.
There is no quiet, there is no touching grass, but there is an array of cubes to look into at night across the street from my bedroom window, like a giant dollhouse, watching people end their days, lights going out one at a time as I play my guitar. Even when I’m alone, I’m not.
The money goes out as fast as it comes in. I’m great at multiplying my money through investments and have never been wealthier. Yet I also went into credit card debt for the first time.
Personally: the non-stop hustle is addicting; I’ve had to learn how to carve out time to relax and recharge. The stimulation has curbed my mind-wandering time, leading to a decline in ambition, creative thinking, and eagerness to build.
Even finding time to write this is the result of working to control stimulation a bit — deleting Instagram and X from my phone, cleaning out attention-grabbing mechanisms, pausing dating apps and reducing phone time. I use my phone to fill the gaps of time riding the subway or elevator, but I’m starting to learn that I need those gaps. They’re important downtimes in a city that has none.
Luckily the half-life of a diminished attention span is short and the sickness is quickly curable.
The Museum of the City of New York has these four words written in big text when you walk in, the four defining characteristics of New York City:
MONEY DENSITY DIVERSITY CREATIVITY
and I think I’ve experienced first-hand, in my own ways, what each of those mean.
It’s the greatest city on Earth. It exemplifies the best and worst of the human experience. It’s dirty, old, beautiful, and endlessly exciting. It has character. Limitless possibility.
I can’t wait for tomorrow, this upcoming week, or the next six months. Because what I know for certain is that I have no idea what’s coming.
